we are all in the gutter

things to look forward to...

2005-05-14T01:05:19Z

Star Wars...4 days
Colorado...5 days
Cari comes home!!!...9 days
17 Huntington...20 days

I miss Rutgers but it's nice to be home for a while. It's weird to catch up with people you haven't seen in a while...but a very nice feeling.

moth_balls @ 2005-04-27T00:40:00

2005-04-27T04:42:36Z

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

this week needs to end...

moth_balls @ 2005-03-30T18:32:00

2005-03-30T23:36:05Z

Kip and Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite are coming to Rutgers tonight! Unfortunately it's on Busch and I have a test tomorrow that I should study for so I won't be attending. Plus I'd rather not deal with the enormous crowd. Would anyone like to go see Rilo Kiley either in New York or Philly. tickets are like $15, I think. It's the end of May.

moth_balls @ 2005-03-28T21:28:00

2005-03-29T02:41:13Z

ok so first...Happy Early Birthday Anna!!

I'm going to see Ani on April 27!! Well I bought the ticket but I might have to sell it to Eleni b/c I have two tests and a paper due the next day, but we shall see. Then, that Friday is Rutgersfest and Saturday is Agfield day. Me and a few of my friends are considering doing Tent State. Amy and I randomly met this girl hanging up fliers and she said that's it a lot of fun and a good cause and that we should def do it. So maybe for a night or two. So lots of good things coming up.

Isn't it strange how when you least expect it and feel you might deserve it the least, happiness finds you. Although there's always room for improvement.

I was thinking about lucky I was to go to Ireland and have that experience. And it got me thinking about all the other amazing experiences I've had and how I should be grateful. Then I was reading Cari's journal entries from the summer and it made me so happy. We were so lucky to have the experience that we did over the summer b/c we had some amazing times. This is on top of senior trip, prom and memorial day weekend. Along with England, Colorado and meeting people this year who've had an impact on me who I know are only going to make me a better person in the long run. Ireland was exactly what I needed and even certain times at school leading up to Ireland have really made me a much happier and more relaxed person. There's no need to be stressed about small things or feel that life is screwing you over. So yea, I'm sure by the end of the week I'll be cursing everything, but for now I'm gonna dance around my empty room which by the way is absolute heaven (having that precious alone time I mean).

moth_balls @ 2005-03-20T07:17:00

2005-03-20T12:31:20Z

I guess I'll update since it's 7 in the morning and I've got nothing else to do, my sleeping schedule is sooo messed up.

Ireland was absolutely amazing. We saw the Aran Islands, Galway, Cork/Blarney Castle and some of Dublin. I would love to go back and see more. Went out every night to pubs and such, boy does that take a toll on you. I don't think I could ever do this trip/Ireland justice by describing it. Ireland is sooo beautiful and the people are so nice and friendly. And those Irish boys, ahh. I think Christine said it best "I've never seen so many good looking Irish boys in one room". The pubs in Galway were so much fun and the live music was always great.

Whoever said they don't celebrate St.Patty's day in Ireland is crazy. Although I think the celebrations have only started within the last ten years. Galway had a huge parade and then everyone just went to the pubs all day. As we were on the bus heading to Dublin, the smaller towns didn't seem to have much of a celebration other than pubs/bars/clubs were really crowded and festive. But the whole week, everyone talked about it and prepared for it. We made our way to Dublin for the night. Wow, I have never seen anything like that in my life. It was like Irish mardi gras. There was just drunk people, and trash, and wackos everywhere. You didn't even have to go inside a pub, you could just sit outside and watch the madness around you. We were pretty mad ourselves and I might have almost gotten arrested. Not really, but I just like saying that. All I did was break a bottle(for the sake of an awesome picture) but the police didn't seem to like that too much and they came to the alley looking for the noise. Luckily there was a guy peeing in teh same alley so they went after him instead, sorry about that man. We met some insane Canadians and had pictures of us taken by total strangers several times. We were also sexually molested by these weird pokey things, it's not as bad as it sounds. Oh and by the way, Italian guys are creepy!!

Ireland was just so wonderful, I would go back in a heartbeat. Now it's Sunday and time to go back to school, booo! Plus I have a midterm tomorrow that I haven't done any work for (10 essays) and a seven page paper due Wed. Yea, I'm pretty much fucked. Plus, I feel like absolute death.

OH, and on the plane ride home I got to sit next to this really nice family from Liverpool, the mom was so sweet. And US Airways really pissed me off, I had the look of murder in my eyes. But it wasn't so bad b/c I got a window seat and was able to sleep the entire way home. The English dad sitting next to me said (when I woke up for five minutes) "Did you get much sleep last night?" OK, I guess you had to be there.

So, yea if you ever have the chance to go anywhere in Ireland, do it!!

moth_balls @ 2005-03-15T19:15:00

2005-03-15T19:17:32Z

Ireland is amazing!!! I seriously never want to leave. This place is absolutely incredible!

moth_balls @ 2005-03-01T14:09:00

2005-03-01T19:17:15Z

hey, I have a question for anyone that knows anything about ipods. Maggie, I know you said it wasn't worth it to get the mini and you might as well get the regular one, but I don't really want to spend $300 on an ipod, especially since I think I won't need that much space. So I was wondering what people thought of the ipod shuffle, it's only $99 and it holds 240 songs. Is it worth it? I really don't think I would need more than 240 songs, but I just wanted to know if it seemed worth $99. Or, if anyone knows any other mp3 players, preferably one that works with itunes, or will itunes only work with mac stuff. help would be greatly appreciated (especially those who know about this stuff, yes I mean you, you computer people)

moth_balls @ 2005-02-27T23:23:00

2005-02-28T04:40:08Z

this was kind of a strange weekend but still fun.
Thursday night I skipped my class b/c of the snow hoping it would be canceled but it wasn't, so that really sucks bc I can only miss one class. Instead I hung out with Angela and Eleni, watched the O.C. Eventually watched High Fidelity, I forgot how great of a movie that is and eventually a group of us all just kinda sat around, hung out and chatted. Friday, what the hell did I do during the day??? Oh, hung out with Kt and watched I Heart Huckabees, which was so odd but still funny. Friday night Jeff had a party. It was a very strange atmosphere, alot of his friends from home were there, he's from Haddonfield, and people outside of Twp don't seem to like it very much. But his friends are all very...I guess they're all a bunch of punks. I don't know it was just weird at first, like I looked around and thought "whoa, we don't fit in here" and I"m sure they all thought the same thing. Also saw this kid from high school, the only people who would know him are my sisters. He didn't remember me, which doesn't surprise me. He's married now and has a kid, yet he was still getting girls' numbers and who knows what else. He's just such a sleazebag. He was also an asshole in high school and I've come to find out he's still an asshole. It was just really weird seeing him again, made me think about high school and far removed from it we all are. Also makes me wonder about Jeff, since Jeff is so nice but this kid, who's his best friend, is such an asshole. Night started off weird, became fun, got weird again, and again and again. I don't know man, sometimes I just really wonder about guys and the stuff they do, not just the asshole but other guys at the party. Saturday my parents came up for the day, we went to the movies to see Hitch and then out to dinner. Saturday night I was in a very, very anto-social, and slightly bad mood so I jsut stayed in and read the Orchid Thief. blah blah blah, who cares.

two weeks till Ireland! Holy crap

Help!

2005-02-20T17:50:58Z

So I've been trying to look at digital cameras online, trying to go on the advice Maggie gave me. But I still have no idea what I'm doing. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Also, would it be better to buy it online or go to Best Buy.

I found these two online, what does anyone think?

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B0000DIWOQ/qid=1108921311/br=1-8/ref=br_lf_p_8//002-6524306-4524867?v=glance&s=photo&n=499052

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00008IOEJ/qid=1108920706/br=1-3/ref=br_lf_p_3//002-6524306-4524867?v=glance&s=photo&n=499052

I'm really not looking for anything fancy, just a nice camera I can take pictures with that will last. Also looking for something $250 or below.

moth_balls @ 2005-02-15T12:21:00

2005-02-15T17:26:20Z

I have given up AIM for lent. Why? I don't know. Will it last? Most likely not. But we shall see. Other than that there is absolutely nothing going on in my life and I hate everyone. Well not really, but you know.

Ireland! Ireland! Ireland! Ireland! Ireland! Ireland!

2005-02-12T17:56:15Z

So last night on the phone I got to talk to some Irish boys, possibly drunk Irish boys. Their accents were crazy, I could barely understand them. They all sounded fake, I just wasn't used to it. And now they probably think I'm some dumb American who likes any accent. My response to everything was yea, uh huh. The probably think I'm the biggest idiot in the word. And I finally figured out the big word that one of them used that I couldn't understand at the time, monosyllabic. I think, is that even spelled right? Anyway those accents were crazy and now I can't freakin wait to go to Ireland! One month exactly today our plane will be leaving! Just have to get through one month of school. Although now I'm nervous to meet them b/c they think I'm so stupid and boring and when I'm there I won't be able to understand anything that's going on. Talked to Kathleen as well, she seem really nice. I can't wait to put faces to names and be there! Holy Crap I wish it was now. So yea, the Irish boys think I'm an idiot who's easily swayed by an Irish accent, but you know what? That's not so far from the truth and I'll accept it.

Queen of Corn

2005-02-11T23:33:46Z

So last night Me, Eleni, Stacey and Angela just hung out together around the dorm. It was really nice b/c it was just the four of us and out of everyone here they remind me the most of people from home, or people I would be friends with back home. But it also made me feel sad. I start to think about how maybe I'm not myself here, but maybe I just don't know who I am. Just hanging out, being silly reminded me of times in the summer or previous years and for the first time in a while I wished I could go back to that. That it could be summer again and I could be home, just hanging out and being stupid. Like no matter how much I hang out with them I feel like I can't completely be myself. Or maybe I am being myself and I just don't realize it or I don't want to realize it. Maybe I can't allow myself to be comfortable for some reason.

I think I would give anything to have Maggie, Pat and Krishan back here at Rutgers. Although I feel happy this year and have friends and like being with them, sometimes Rutgers and New Brunswick just doesn't feel the same without them. It's so strange that when you know people are leaving you just don't realize how much you'll miss them. Sometimes I think I'm just being selfish and wanting everyone to be around for me. I haven't seen Cari in so long and sometimes I get scared that I'm getting used to the distance and not talking for a week. It's so strange when you look at pictures and realize there was a time when you spent everyday with people and knew everything that was going on in their lives. And know I feel like the only person I know about is myself. It's like you make these memories in your life and then somehow you're forced to move on. And although those people can still be in your life, nothing is ever the same. It's sounds so stupid and childish but growing up and finding who are is really strange and often distressing. It's so hard to realize what's important to you and to make decisions about what you want to be important. There's so much more but I don't feel like going on.

So glad I ordered netflix. So far I've watched Pulp Fiction, Coupling season one, Mean Creek (stupid), The Day After Tomorrow (holy crap, the worst movie ever), Michael Collins (yay for Ireland, although after I put it on I realized I had already seen it, Cari we watched it in Carchidi's class right?), Goodbye Lenin, and Rabbit Proof Fence (which was Amazing). Now I'm off to watch Smoke Signals, but if anyone has movie suggestions please go right ahead.

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will... "

moth_balls @ 2005-02-06T14:21:00

2005-02-06T19:27:30Z

So, I've made the decision and there's no turning back now. Next year I'm going to be living off campus, on Coll Ave with 11 other girls. Sounds crazy, believe me I know. Now that my parents have seen the house I do feel better about it. This has been the hardest decision I've ever had to make, well maybe not the hardest but it was tough. I completely realize that this might blow up in my face and be the worst decision I've ever made but it could also turn out to be the best.

Went home this weekend and got to spend time wiht my family, which is exactly what I needed. I feel so much better after spending time with my mom. Saw Million Dollar Baby which was really good. I hope from here on out the semester improves and things go more smoothly.

mmm, herbal tea

2005-01-06T00:17:19Z

being home is very unhealthy. I came to this conclusion today after realizing: I watch like seven! times as much tv when I'm home, I take fewer showers, I sleep waaaay too much, and my mom's vicious bad moods aren't good for anyone. But on the plus side I don't have to share 20 feet of space with another person (besides my sister, which I don't mind. It's actually nice to be living so close again) and I can shower w/o flip flops and touch the walls in the shower and not fear for my health.

Seeing Maggie and Pat was so nice. Boulder is beautiful and it's remarkable how nice people who don't live on the east coast are, except that one really angry driver. Also, I hate babies and small children on planes, I hate their parents more. I could go on for hours on this subject but I won't.

I miss Cari more than I ever could've imagined. I just wish I could get in touch with her somehow. Cari, why don't you use your new fancy computer?

66 days, I'd say that's about 66 too long.

can't study anymore

2004-12-21T02:37:46Z

x. I am: overwhelmed
x. I want: it to be Friday
x. I have: to study
x. I wish: I was in Colorado right now
x. I hate: Shakespeare and Women, Culture and Society at the moment
x. I miss: my family!, Pat, Krishan and most of all Pepper
x. I fear: a life a mediocracy
x. I hear: me chewing
x. I search: uh ???
x. I wonder: what my grades will be : /
x. I regret: too many things to list
x. I love: my family more than anything, long, directionless car rides with friends
x. I ache: for it to be break and my exams to be over
x. I always: spend money when I shouldn't
x. I am not: studying
x. I dance: when i feel comfortable or i'm very drunk
x. I sing: by myself, in the car with Cari
x. I cry: when I think too much
x. I am not always: as open-minded as I should be
x. I write: papers?
x. I confuse: dunno, a lot of things
x. I should: be studying!!!
x. Three things you are often complimented for:uh..."you're so quiet but so intriguing" yea stupid crap like that, makeup and hair when Kt does it
x. You get embarrassed when: all the time
x. What upsets you: people, work, feeling left out or inadequate
x. You keep a diary: i have this journal.
x. You like to cook: absolutely not
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: yup
x. You set your watch a few minutes ahead: nope, but Amy does and it scares me
x. You bite your fingernails: nope
x. You believe in love: yes, because there are all kinds (I agree Kt)
Who is...?
x. The prettiest person of the opposite sex you know: I happen to think hot anthro boy is quite pretty, but I guess Cari's model friend, he is a model after all
x. The weirdest person you know: I met this kid called "The Mullet", yea he was pretty freakin weird
x. The loudest person you know: the people in my dorm
x. Your closest friends: sisters, Cari, Christine, Michele
x. The person that knows the most about you: Kt
x. Most boring teacher: oh so many
What is?
x. Your most overused phrase on AIM: haha
x. Last image/thought you go to sleep with: how much tomorrow will suck
x. Your best feature: eyes
x. Inside joke: Ellawese Chocaface
x. Take a shower everyday: yup
x. Have a (any) crush (es): my undying love for hot anthro boy
x. Think you've been in love: nope
x. Want to get married:not really, depends
x. want any tattoos/where?: maybe something on the back of my neck, but not really
x. want any Piercings/where?: happy with what I have now
x. Get along with your parents: mostly
WHEN YOU SEE THIS NAME YOU THINK OF
x. Ryan: Adams
x. Rob: my cousin or that guy who lives *up* the street
x. Stephanie: ...
x. Heather: ...
x. Aaron: ...
x. Amy: my roommate
x. Jon: Amy is always mentioning Jons, I can never keep them straight though
x. Alex:I give up
x. Justin:
x. Jack:
SCREEN NAMES: ladyloco44, Isis116, Malto85
SIGN: cancer
NATURAL HAIR COLOR: brown
CURRENT HAIR COLOR: mixture of faded red and stuff, but mostly brown
EYE COLOR: hazel/green
(FAVORITES)
NUMBER: 7
COLOR: green and purple
DAY: Friday or Saturday maybe Thursday
MONTH: October, July
SONG: right now- "Better Son/Daughter" Rilo Kiley
FOOD: pizza, salad works mmmmm.....
SEASON: fall...but I really like all the seasons
DRINK: diet dr.pepper, water
VEGGIE: brocoli, green peppers
(PREFERENCES)
CUDDLE OR MAKE OUT?: either would be nice at this point
CHOCOLATE MILK, OR HOT CHOCOLATE?: hot chocolate
MILK, DARK, OR WHITE CHOCOLATE?: milk
VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE?: chocolate
(IN THE LAST 24 HOURS, HAVE YOU)
CRIED?: almost
HELPED SOMEONE?: yes, in a way
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: no
GONE TO THE MOVIES?: no
GONE OUT FOR DINNER? pizza at the rec center
SAID, "I LOVE YOU??: yes
WRITTEN A REAL LETTER?: no
TALKED TO AN EX?: no
MISSED AN EX?: wish there was someone to miss...
WRITTEN IN A JOURNAL?: this right now
HAD A SERIOUS TALK?: yea with a few different people, serious for them not so much me
MISSED SOMEONE?: yes
HUGGED SOMEONE?: yes
KISSED SOMEONE?: kissed my parents goodbye
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: no

out of sight, out of mind....so true

moth_balls @ 2004-12-18T19:37:00

2004-12-19T00:40:48Z

fuckity fuck fuck. so I just got my grade for my bio class and I got a C+ and it just sucks. I really thought I would get a B in this class and it really just fucking sucks. Why did I waste my time taking some shit ass class that I don't really need. I'm so stressed right now, I have so much on my mind. Fuck Christmas, Fuck Rutgers, Fuck school, Fuck Uzwiak, really really fuck Uzwiak that fucking bastard. Fuck finals next week, Fuck eveything.

moth_balls @ 2004-12-14T23:11:00

2004-12-15T04:16:32Z

It's 11:11, make a wish!!

Having the room to myself is aboslute heaven

Jealous? you should be

Ireland

2004-12-14T19:32:40Z

Ok guys, I'm thinking we should buy our tickets for Ireland soon. I'll be home this weekend the 17th-20th, or we can buy them when I return from Colorado, sometime after January 1st. The cheapest flight I found was orbitz.com departing Philly on March 12th at 8:40 pm with a stop in Amsterdam, we would arrive in Dublin on the 13th at 4:50pm. The return flight leaves Dublin at 9:40, with a stop in Manchester, we would return to Philly at 4:00 pm March 18th. The flight w/o tax and stuff is $380. The bus from Dublin airport to Galway is 17 euros one way. I tried looking at the bus schedule and I was a little confused but I think for when we return to Dublin the bus leaves at 5:25am, the next one is 9 something. But I'm seriously not good with bus and train schedules. Once we arrive in Dublin we could take a 5:15 pm bus, or they run every hour. Here's the website, maybe someone else can figure this out: http://www.citylink.ie/timetable-galw2dubl.htm. Also, let's just make sure eveyone's spring break is from the 12th-20th. I guess that's all, what do you guys think?

"and in that moment i swear we were infinite"

2004-12-12T21:47:11Z

I want it to be summer.
I want to see London.
I want purple hair.
I want my paper to write itself.
I want to get all A's.
I want to go to a really good concert.
I want to dance at night on the beach when it's warm out.
I want to get really drunk with really good friends.
I want to stand out in a crowd.
I want to make my mom proud.
I want to appreciate art.
I want to take a road trip to California.
I want things to go back to the way they were.
I want to stop resenting you.
I want to fall in love.
I want to appreciate the small things in life.
I want to be comfortable in my own skin.
I want to feel the way we did when we first saw the OC sign.
I want to have an impact.
I want to not want for anything more than I've already got...

~March 22, 2004

Not sure what made me think of this entry. Let's see how much I've accomplished: obviously summer came, I SAW LONDON, danced on the beach at night, stopped resenting you (acutally I lie, but it's considerably less), appreciated art? small things in life? maybe, comfortable in my own skin (getting there).

And no, things never go back to the way they were.

I'm still waiting for my infinite moment...

moth_balls @ 2004-12-09T22:20:00

2004-12-10T03:20:00Z

so it's my last paper of the semester, no wait I lie I have another one due Monday but that'll be easy. So it's 6 pages and so far I have three and a quarter. I just can't seem to get this thing written. So many distractions and other things to think about. I've been craving reading a really good book and that is what I would currently like to be doing. So I've decided to do this 50 book challenge thing, I challenge myself to read 50 books by June, since I started in June it will be a full year. Anyway I've only read 8 books since June, well another 9 if I count books for school. Should I count books for school? But I am currently in desperate need of book recommendations for winter break and next semester, so if everyone could suggest like two books that would be awesome. Back to writing this paper...that or death, whichever comes first.

Ireland

2004-11-10T02:25:40Z

Ok, so I started looking up plane tickets. So far the cheapest price I found was on cheaptickets. The roundtrip airfare is $446.22. Leaving from Philadelphia on March 12th with a stop in Paris then on to Dublin. The return is on March 19th from Dublin to Paris and then to Philadelphia. My spring break officially starts on the 12th but I will probably get out earlier. Spring break ends the 20th which is a Sunday. So I figured coming back the 19th would be good, but let me know what you guys think.

The next cheapest airline is $625, American Airlines with a stop in Chicago. But the other flight is cheaper and hello Paris, we would have like 4 or 5 hours in Paris.

Let me know what you guys think, but I'll look at some other sites.

moth_balls @ 2004-11-08T19:03:00

2004-11-08T23:59:43Z

Dear Week of Hell,
Please end now...because I don't think that I can take it anymore.

Love,
Me

moth_balls @ 2004-10-28T20:37:00

2004-10-29T00:38:56Z

So I have itunes on my computer, but I acutally have no idea how to use it and I also downloaded Limewire but I don't know how to use that either. But anyway, with itunes you get a bunch of different radio stations from around the country and such and.....there's two British stations!!! I think one is just a talk station, but the other one plays music. I love it!! Sometimes I'll turn on the talk one just to hear the British accents. I miss England so much, I wish I could be there right now. It's been a debbie downer day : / and it totally sucked. Hopefully with this weekend being Halloween, things will be better. Now the question, do I go out tonight or not? I'm really not in the mood to go out but everyone's going over to the Cook apartments and I had fun the last time I was there. Oh well, not important.

I miss my family.
I miss people from last year who are no longer here.
I miss myself.

moth_balls @ 2004-10-28T01:25:00

2004-10-28T05:21:23Z

so Amy is going home next weekend, November 5th. But the weekend you guys were originally supposed to come November 12th she will be here. So you guys are more than welcome to come whenever, so if anyone wants to come next weekend I'll have plenty of room. Miss you guys soo much and hope that I can show you around and share my home away from home with you guys soon. A real update shall come later, possibly tomorrow. The lunar eclipse was pretty, no?

moth_balls @ 2004-10-21T15:43:00

2004-10-21T19:43:44Z

It's nice to know what really matters to people. people are so lame and untrustworthy.